Friday, November 16, 2012

Adoption...The Easy Way of Having Kids

I recently overheard some women talking about their previous pregnancies and all the hardships they endured while they were carrying their babies. Several of the women began talking about adopting any future children citing it as the "easy" way to have children. Naturally, my ears perked up at the mention of adoption and silently laughed at their ignorance. "Easy???" They have NO CLUE!!! While pregnancies can be difficult (I've had a couple of them!), they only last 9 months, give or take a few weeks. Adoption is a lifetime and it's not always "easy." Before you ever have a precious child placed with you, you undergo an application and investigative process that would impress the FBI. Piles of paperwork asking you to recount every good, and bad, memory from your childhood. Full financial disclosure, backgroud checks, marriage certificates, floor plans of your house, profiles, reference letters from friends and employers. Easy, right? Then comes the homestudy. Meetings with the social worker who suddenly turns into Barbara Walters. She wants to know everything and I mean EVERYTHING about your marriage, your upbringing, thoughts on discipline, current and past relationships with parents, etc. And like Barbara Walters, the interview is not over until she has made you cry. And that's just the first meeting!!! There will be several more, one of which will be in your home. You will spend weeks cleaning, painting, cleaning, throwing out all alcohol, organizing, childproofing, and MORE cleaning for this all important visit only to spend the entire time sitting on the sofa answering more questions about your childhood wondering why it was ever necessary to clean EVERY.BASEBOARD.IN.THE.HOUSE. I mean, she didn't even have a white glove!!!!! Fast forward to FINALLY bringing home your baby. Lots of bottles, burp rags, sleepless nights, diapers turn into sippy cups, pull-ups and fewer sleepless nights. But guess what? You're still living with adoption. It doesn't go away after 9 months. Adoption is forever. Here is my point. Adoption is not easy. Adoption comes with pain. For us, we endured years of infertility before adopting our daughter. Her Birth Parents endured pain when they made the decision to place her with us. Our daughter will endure pain as she grows and processes what all of this means to her. That will not be easy to watch.