The rest of the story....

We had to stop by Evan's office on the way out of town, which was out of the way - by the way! He had taken our digital camera to work the day before and forgotten to bring it home. We got the camera, ran through a McDonald's drive and headed towards Amarillo for the 2nd time in one week. It was an exciting, and nerve-wracking drive. Would we be coming home with a baby? Would this end in heart-break? For us? For J and A? If we did come home with a baby, where would she sleep? We had NOTHING ready. I had a few sleepers and bottles I had bought just in case of a quick match, but nothing had been washed. I didn't even have diapers!!!!!!

We got to Amarillo a little after noon and even though we were starving, we headed straight for the hospital. It had been nearly 9 hours since they first called us and we wanted to see if Mia had arrived yet. We found out where we needed to go and met J, his Mom and A's Mom in the waiting room. This was the first time we had met the Moms - AWKWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, we were perfectly content to sit in the waiting room, but J wanted us to come back to see A. I wasn't sure that was what she wanted, so I asked him to double-check with her. She said it was ok, so we headed back. There were also a few family friends there, so we got acquainted with everyone and took a few pictures. A was nearly completed dilated when we got there, but was really sleepy. So as she slept (and progressed), we visited with everyone. A was so funny. She would wake up and comment that she couldn't feel her legs due to the epidural. She would try so hard to lift her legs and when she would, we could see Mia moving around.

At around 3:30, A asked us all to leave the room, with the exception of J. We retreated to the waiting room to wait. Eventually, A's Mom couldn't stand not knowing what was going on, so she decided to wait outside the room. A few minutes after 4:30, we saw a nursery bed being wheeled away from A's room. Inside it was a tiny baby wrapped in a foil looking blanket turned on her side looking straight at us. She went by so fast, all I noticed what that there was a baby there. But Evan saw her eyes, locked in his direction. He immediately fell in love!

A few minutes later, Shirley came out, crying. She said that the cord had been wrapped around Mia's neck, that she was really blue and that they wanted to get her to the NICU right away. I asked how A was doing and she said she was tired, but ok. We began praying for Mia, and for J and A too. J came out a few minutes later with red eyes..it was obvious he had been crying. He sat down by us and told us how beautiful Mia was. He then asked if we were really ready to be parents and I think we mumbled something like, "Uhhh, yeah, sure." He said he wished he was and broke down.

A's Mom said she was going to go to the NICU and asked if we wanted to go. We were so concerned about over-stepping our bounds and not interfering in anyway, we wanted her to check with J and A first. This was THEIR baby, not ours. They gave the go ahead and so we got to see Mia for the first time. This is her first picture. One hour and 6 minutes after she was born. Not that anyone was counting!



We took the picture back to A so she could see as she wasn't allowed out of bed yet. Evan took J back to their apartment so he could get some stuff for A while I stayed with A. She was so tired, she slept most of the time but woke up every once in a while and we would talk. She woke up once and out of the blue, asked me how much weight I thought she had lost! Too funny! By the time Evan and J got back, it was late and we had not even had dinner yet. We left, grabbed some Taco Bell and headed to our hotel to crash. we spent the next day visiting with J and A at the hospital, spent a little time in the NICU with Mia although we had not held or touched her. She wasn't ours!!!

Everything seemed to be going ok until Saturday, when A was discharged from the hospital. Mia wasn't ready to leave yet and A had a hard time leaving the hospital without her. They asked us to take them home. The drive to their apartment was very tense and very quiet. They had told us that they wanted us to come in and hang out, even though we felt like they needed time alone. Once we got to their apartment, they began getting settled and there was very little visiting. A did show me a few things that she and her Mom had bought for Mia. We talked a little more about the entrustment ceremony. Finally, when the tension became too much, we left. We knew something was up and our hopes were beginning to fade.

Sunday morning we woke up less than chipper. Everything on the TV was talking about a storm named Katrina headed towards New Orleans. However, we were dealing with our own storm in Amarillo, Texas. We spoke with our social worker fairly early in the day and she said that J and A had called her late the night before, completely freaked out. Reality was setting in and they were not sure if they could go through with the adoption. Hmmmm, exactly what we had sensed when we left their apartment. She said that they really needed to see us with Mia as they were having a hard time envisioning us as her parents. We agreed to meet them later at the hospital and talk. We got to the hospital, fully expecting J and A to tell us, "Sorry, but we just can't go through with it." And to be perfectly honest, while we would have been disappointed, we completely understood. That has got to be the most gut-wrenching decision a person can make. Once we all sat down in the waiting room, A told us about the previous night. About how they stayed up most of the night trying to think of a way to keep Mia, but they always worked their way back to their original reasons for choosing adoption. So, they were going to move forward and wanted us to visit Mia with them. We told A that we had visited Mia a few times, which they had given us permission to do and she seemed shocked that we had not held her. I told her that she was not ours to hold.

A and I went back to the NICU first. She showed me how to scrub in and gown up. A took Mia's temperature and then told me that I needed to change her diaper. Yikes!!! Changing a newborn is hard enough, but you add in an IV and other wires..oh, and her birthmother standing there watching your every move. Can you say nerve racking???? I got her cleaned up and A said, "Good job Mom!" A few minutes later, the nurse brought a bottle over to A. She handed it to me and gave me the go ahead to feed her. After I fed her, J came back and said that Evan was looking mighty sad out in the hallway. I offered to step out so Evan could come back, but A said that Evan and I should have some time with Mia and just us. J and A left and a few minutes later, Evan came back. He sat down in a rocking chair and handed Mia to him. It was such a precious time for us. We were feeling more confident that J and A were going to follow through with their plan to place Mia with us and we finally allowed ourselves a little bit of excitement. I don't know how long we were back there, but after a while, I felt like I needed to leave and let A come back. During this time, one of the nurses had been getting stuff ready for a bath for Mia. I hung out in the hall with J while Evan and A gave Mia a bath together. After they were done, A told me that Evan talked Mia's ear off the whole time they were bathing her. At one point, Evan was joking about Mia having hair on her back and A said, "Don't let your Daddy tease you like that!" WOW!!! We took them back home and went to meet our parents (who had arrived earlier in the day) and Evan's cousin for dinner. We were on cloud nine and couldn't wait to tell everyone about our afternoon.

Monday, August 29th - Our social worker called in the morning to let us know that Mia was going to be discharged. However, it would most likely be late afternoon, early evening. Argh! We were planning on driving straight home after the entrustment ceremony and did not want to drive all night. We asked her to beg, plead...whatever it took to get her discharged earlier so we would not be on the road so late. She promised to try, so we waited for her call. A little while later she called back to tell us that she could be discharged whenever we were ready. Woo-hoo, we were more than ready. We met J, A and the social worker at the hospital and while we signed our paperwork (and handed over a big check!), J and A spent a few more minutes with Mia. Once we were done, J and A signed their paperwork and then came back to the NICU where the nurses gave discharge instructions. Before we knew it, it was time to go.

J and A had decided to have the entrustment ceremony at a park near the hospital. Mia rode with them in the social worker's car. Once at the park, our parents finally met J, A and their Moms. The ceremony was short, but unbelievably sweet...and heartbreaking. Our social worker read some scripture, prayed and gave us an opportunity to say something. We had written a letter to J and A. I knew I would not be able to read it, so Evan read, but barely made it through. Once he finished, it was time for A to place Mia in my arms. By this time, everyone is not just crying, but sobbing. I had so many emotions running through my mind. While I was happy to finally be a Mom, my heart was breaking for J and A. I felt like stopping the whole thing and saying, "Wait, are you really sure about this?" However, the decision had been made and she placed Mia in my arms. I will never, ever forget the sound of J and A's sobs and how they collapsed in each other's arms while Evan and I stood there, awkwardly holding our new daughter. After a bit, we took some pictures, hugged on each other and then it was time to go home. We walked back to our car, promising to call when we got home and to basically give Mia anything under the moon. They said goodbye to Mia, hugged us again, told us they loved us, and that was it. We left.

After a quick dinner before leaving town, we started towards home. We only had to stop once to change and feed Mia. We had to make many other stops for Evan's Mom, who was driving behind us. Being home that first night with Mia was so surreal, and sooo hard. She was up most of the night, crying. At around 3 or 4 in the morning, it hit me that this was the first time in her existence that she was not with A and my heart broke all over again.

Over the next few days, we bonded and eventually became more confident in our roles as Mom and Dad. Now, three years later, we feel immensely blessed to have such a healthy, beautiful daughter. In addition to our beautiful daughter, we have gained an extended family, J, A and their families. We love them dearly and cannot imagine not having them in our family.

So, that's it. That's her story, more or less. I love to tell her story because I feel like it is such a testimony of God's grace and provision. God's timing is always perfect. Everything had to happen at just the right time for J and A to contact Buckner, for us to finally be ready, for us to hit it off and be "matched." God is SO awesome!!